Body Image After Baby

Where do I even begin? Let me start where I was before I became pregnant.

I was feeling great about my body, I had worked really hard to lose around 40lbs, mentally and physically became the healthiest I had ever been. I was still on my fitness journey ( I believe it never really ends) if you’re doing it for the right reasons. You should always be striving to be a healthier human being, not to lose weight.

I had been in a really abusive relationship mentally and emotionally a few years ago and that is was kick started my health journey. I decided to leave that toxic relationship and in turn I found myself. I dug myself out of the deepest depression I had ever seen and began to see myself for all I was. I didn’t understand my worth before honestly, I was bullied as a kid for developing faster than others. Then fast forward to adulthood and I was sexualized by men and took full advantage of all that unfortunate attention. I was fucked up. I made a lot of mistakes because I didn’t understand my worth or how to truly love myself. My point being, body image begins with understanding your worth.

Once I grasped that my worth wasn’t found in my body, and these men who sexualized me because of my big breasts or thick thighs, everything changed. I dove so deep into my self love tank, I began to do things the healthy way and not destroy my body. I vividly remember in Beauty School taking a supplement someone gave me for weight loss and getting extremely sick to the point I thought I would die. I would never put myself in that position again, and my hope for posts like this, is that I can help save someone from making that same mistake.

Body image is all mental.

So- I lost weight pre-baby. I was healthy, fit, and still had goals to meet! I found new love and I had just landed a job being an instructor at Starcycle and I mean I was busting down all my fears and had put self-doubt to sleep. I felt on top of the world, and unstoppable!

Que- positive pregnancy test.

Whoa. I didn’t even know I could get pregnant, this wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was mind blown. I have endometriosis and had just had surgery on my ovaries, my Dr. was adamant about how hard it would be. I was in-between medications and my mom suggested to get a test just to rule it out and BAM!

God has a way of interrupting our plans and making his own. In the moment I always question it, then later I’m usually on my knees thanking him.

This was one of those moments. I was shaken up, I didn’t understand why NOW! I was feeling so amazing, my body was doing what I wanted and I was getting results. I really felt like I had to start all over. I had to halt teaching spin, I was only cleared for mild exercise and it was a huge blow. I felt lazy, frustrated, sad and depressed when I first became pregnant. I was in this mindset that I would never lose the weight after I had this baby and I was terrified to gain a ton of weight.

But- it is possible to be healthy and pregnant! It is also possible to get back into shape after your baby. It’s harder, but possible.

I am still on my postpartum journey, and some days are easier than others. Although, now I see my body differently than I once did. I mean before it was about losing weight and proving I could do this for myself and honestly to others. Now- I get it.

Our bodies are our true home. And mine housed one for 9 freaking months! If you can’t love it after something so huge, there’s a serious problem.

I love my body not because of how it looks but because it housed my son and kept him healthy for me. I want to keep her strong and healthy because of him! Breastfeeding for one is a huge reason. I am sustaining his life by my nutrients alone, and in order for him to be healthy I need to be healthy.

If you’re a mom reading this and it’s hard to look down and see those stretch marks or feel like that new tummy roll.

Think about it this way…

Some women will never look down and see the remnants of giving birth to a child.

Some women will never have a little extra tummy from carrying a heartbeat for 9 months.

Some women don’t get the chance to have a postpartum journey.

Let that sink in.

I know it’s hard, and I know looking at yourself now is through a different lens, but it’s almost a better lens in my opinion. I look at my son and I’m like, HE IS WORTH ALL OF IT. He is worth every lb. I gained, every new crease and every single new curve. Our bodies aren’t just meant to lose weight and look good, they are our homes… our children’s first home.

Keeping my body healthy is more important than it was before I was pregnant. I do still have my moments, I’m human. Sometimes I get caught up in how I looked before and I get mad that I didn’t just bounce back like those Instagram mommies. Society likes us to think bouncing back after baby is easy and a quick thing and YOU MUST BOUNCE BACK.

 Listen, the bounce back is being healthy. Staying active, break a sweat and get that heartrate up!

The bounce back is teaching your child to love the skin their in, and to nourish it.

I hope to teach my son, to love his body. Body image isn’t just real for women but for boys/men too. I hope he knows how incredible he is and he doesn’t have to have the buffest chest in the room, or be the tallest in the class. I hope to also teach him that we love all shapes and all sizes. I hope he’s a kind and loving boy because he first learned self-love from his mommy.

We must change the conversation, but our kids first learn from us. Make sure you practice what you are preach. You can’t tell your child to love themselves when you’re beating yourself up. Set some goals and learn how to accomplish and celebrate them in a healthy way!

Body image looks so different to me today, and I thank my son for teaching me how to change my lens.

xx