Well. I dyed my hair green. This seems like an appropriate place to start.

There is no rule book into motherhood, or how to cope with this strange new journey we are on. Although how rad would It be if we all were completely honest about this journey so it didn’t feel so lonely? Not only have I become a mother for the first time but I turn 30 this year. Honestly, I feel my life has gotten better with age I mean if I would have had my baby with my ex, YIKES.

With sadness, comes humor…for me anyways. It’s how I’ve dealt with a lot of heartache in my life and honestly, it’s been helpful. Learning to laugh at things I once tolerated, and experiences I pretty much F**** up on, have healed parts of me I didn’t know ever would.

Ok- Postpartum.

Did anyone tell you, you’d wake up with one boob hanging out in a puddle of milk? GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE! SURPRISE! That is literally my life, every single morning. I know, get a more supportive nursing bra right? Well, I have a couple and the one that malfunctions the most is the most comfortable, at this point I have accepted my fate. The runaway boob is my new reality and well at least I can feed my baby quickly on those early morning wake up calls! There is always a silver lining!

I cry sometimes. Ok- I cry a lot, but I don’t have any of those haunting thoughts of harming myself or my baby! Its just I mean, I cry. Sometimes he will be screaming his head off because after HE decided to fall asleep he wakes up like 5 minutes later and wants… MORE!!! Ahg. Crying is normal though, and it’s a sign you’re still okay. Like, think about it! If you aren’t crying and releasing those normal emotions during this super challenging time in your life, you might be on the verge of a mental break down.

My body is also a source of my crying. I see him all over me, in my arms, my back, my stretchy tummy. My son is all over my body, and until I had him I didn’t realize just how dope our bodies are. We were somebodies home for 9 freaking months! Women are incredible and yall men don’t give us enough credit for just how much we do. Lets get real, if a man actually took the time to read this post about postpartum depression… YOU DA REAL MVP.

I lost a lot of weight prior to becoming pregnant, so when I became pregnant I was like, PIECE OF FN CAKE! I am going to be THAT mom, posting all the mommy workouts and being a healthy fit mama! Well, workouts went out the window and I had to stop teaching my spin classes. It was definitely hard on me mentally and physically halting exercise. I had a lot of complications in the beginning, I would bleed randomly, two large cysts were back on my ovaries and was told by my dr. to take it easy. Needless to say, I wasn’t that “Fit” mom I had hoped for and gained around 40-45lbs during my pregnancy. But I stayed as healthy as I could for my baby, I was comfortable during my pregnancy and I mean all these curves and bumps gave me my cool little dude. So, although I cry I am so thankful I had a healthy pregnancy and I still have the ability to be a healthy mother to my son.

Next, I make an effort to do 1 thing every day that makes me feel good! I think that’s the MOST important thing you can do during this time. Before I was cleared to workout, I wanted company! I wanted coffee dates, lunch dates, anything that involved seeing someone and venting! I needed it. I didn't ever really turn down company the first few weeks for some reason I just didn't want to be alone.

I still thank all those people who made an effort to check on me and visit me during that time. They really helped me during my healing process and don’t think they know it. Pampering myself as much as I could at home was definitely needed. I didn’t wanna leave the baby so I would wax, give myself a little facial and wash my hair. On occasion when I have energy and the time while Drix naps, I'll do my makeup even if I'm really not going anywhere. I think it's really important to do something normal or what feels normal for yourself because you can get really down on yourself.

So I know alot of people would say, during this time to get out a good book and dive in while baby sleeps. Butttt honestly, that just put me to sleep! And although I do need sleep, sometimes I just want to be up doing ME things! So I dove into some new tv series from beginning to end. They kept me sane the first few weeks, and let me escape from my little reality for a bit! My favorite, BIG LITTLE LIES!

Now that I’m cleared to workout and I am more mobile, I make sure to break a sweat at least once a day! I was cleared for sex too but LETS GET REAL! Ya girl feels nowhere near sexy or ready to get back In the saddle. My workouts are enough to get these endorphins goin! Ha. Also, I make healthy meals that make me feel good. Shitty food leads to shitty moods so I have made it a priority to make good meals for my family every day. We have the occasional cheat meal, but I do think having a routine of getting back in the kitchen has helped my sanity.

Which brings me to my green hair.

Something about becoming a mom, you feel old. Like, you just wanna scream from the rooftops..”I HAD A BABY, I’M NOT DEAD!” To remind yourself (Ha) and those who seemed to forget you existed.

My sister said it pretty perfectly and I think it’s a good way to close this post…

“Welcome to motherhood, it’s a dance between not giving AF and also not wanting to appear old AF and using AF instead of actual words.”